I scrubbed a small plastic pool for 1.5 hours today. It caused me to experience happiness as I have not felt in months.

[12:16:01 AM] Beneath the dimming eave, despondent do I lie: It begins... with the natural principles of communication. All information transmitted between humans is a story, or parts of a story, in one way or another. Everything entering the conscious brain, our conscious awareness, holds a type of meaning. Language has enhanced the depth of and the depth of understanding of meaning. Everything is built upon and changed and refined. Everything is connected. The way in which a brain develops by proxy of its perceptions is the way in which it will form its output, which is at first meaning, translated into language, transmitted. It is built upon. Culture defines meaning defines language progression, to an extent.

[12:16:59 AM] Beneath the dimming eave, despondent do I lie: There are many, many ways to say this, so I will not be surprised if my words are misunderstood.

[12:25:23 AM] Beneath the dimming eave, despondent do I lie: Language is built around our progressing understanding in modes of meaning. The development of the creative mind is the personal understanding of meaning and the means in which that mind can form its output. I've read more philosophy than literature in which "creative" styles are prominent, therefore my mind knows much more efficiently how to output that order of meaning via vocabulary and all the other bells and whistles of language. What the mind perceives is programming the mind, essentially. "What goes in, will come out" means more than most realize.


WRITTEN IN AN INSTANT MESSENGER CONVERSATION. HAO DID HAPEN.

(I do not claim this explanation to be anywhere near complete (actually, the conversation ended prematurely anyway), correct, or to generally make much sense. It is merely not a terrible start to what I would someday like to expound upon.)

The entirety of my name on MSN is

Beneath the dimming eave,
Despondent do I lie;
What is there left for me
Should my heart now die?

just so you know, and so it makes sense.

[cut]

I leave you with values to guess at should you so choose.

146,099,514,706,250,000,000,000 pounds
12,935,306,891,762,494,134,000 pounds
9,882,368,327,259,875,202,000 pounds
5,153,508,718,278,742,486,000 pounds
1,547,340,993,469,661,752,600 pounds
154,605,262,015,880,721,640,000 pounds
257,675,435,913,937,124,300,000 pounds
58,439,805,882,500,000,000,000 pounds
3,349,780,669,218,774,851,200 pounds
= 649,688,324,118,557,394,365,800 (octillion) pounds

They relate to baking.

I am never getting this day back.

This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.
This is not just a day. I am never getting this day back.

Everything is in perspective now.

さよなら

He needs a handle on time. He does not know what to think about. If he keeps typing he wonders if something will come to him. It seems thinking about what to think about will not result in any results. His keys are worn and glossy from use. He realizes the despair in only learning after he has learned so much, so constantly, that he has lost his handle on time. He does nothing but learn in his own secluded area, left to his own vices. What of this man. Is he a man? A man with close to no output of any worth, lost in the shallow tides of society because he is anchored somewhere on the edge of the continental shelf. There is no grasp on the average lifestyle for him. He only knows philosophy, and this has weakened his ability to assume things, for he questions too much. Simple concepts fall deafly upon him. He has a difficult time seeing what others see, and most often he simply can't see why they only see that far if he sees whatever distortion in reason they speak of in the first place. Seeking the comfortable road hurts everyone in the long run. Let's not talk about the past because it is filled with regrets, perhaps repressed regrets. He doesn't understand it. People act without thinking. People don't question their motives or don't know properly how to. They don't read the right books. They watch television. Reality television. Daytime television. So many things shouldn't exist. The average person being able to broadcast his ludicrous ideals should not be possible. Although for others to actually listen I suppose he would need to be slightly above average. It is still ludicrous. The system needs to be destroyed and recreated with backing morals. Morals have degenerated. They are filtered in the initial creation. Individual aspects then have moral motives applied to them; action is taken. The original morals are distorted for a purpose that isn't worthwhile. It is a purpose that is a want and very far from a need. I do not understand the weakness. I understand the weakness. I have been a part of the weakness. I create loopholes for myself. Loopholes in reasoning save everyone. The law is filled with loopholes that do not allow justice to run its course. Justice cannot win anymore. Righteous decisions are no longer possible within the system. People will oppose things and not realize why they truly oppose them. It has become their habit. They know the top layer. They like the top layer. No need to look beneath the top layer, for surely the people who created up to the top layer knew what they were doing. Okay, maybe I'll take a peak. The second and third layer look okay. I am completely convinced. Baaaaaa.
He does not know what to think of the times. His own views are distorted from the actual. He knows he does not like the actual. Maybe he has been avoiding the actual. He would be more inclined to think there is no actual. His actual is his actual. There is nothing he sees other than his perceptions. What of others? He does not know others. Others baffle him by their actions. He baffles others with his seeming lack of action. There is no chance at failure if there is no action, yet there is no experience gained if there is no action. Failure is useful, lack of action lacks everything. The thought does not count. The thought without known aim ruins. Think to think with a goal in thought; lack of a goal is fraught with not. It is not apparent to him how one attaches himself to a goal. The possibilities in selection petrify his position. He is to assume goals are sought after in direct relation to held values. He does not know his values. He knows his values through experiencing them at times, but he cannot recall his values. What is to be done if what you think is important to you can't be said by yourself to be important to you under conditions perceived while outside of its felt perception? He knows little about what he should hold near his heart. He does not know his heart. He knows what is in his mind, yet he does not know his mind. He knows how to alter his perceptions, thus altering his values. The simulation is constant. He is tired of the simulation. Reality is a simulation as far as he can tell. He knows it is possible to simulate his image to others, but he can't bring himself to simulate himself in this way. He may not know how to simulate his actions. To simulate an image in favor of a certain person, he would have to know this person. He cannot know many people. He is not around many people. If he was around many people, what if he chose a person, or a person chose him? What if this person he wished to simulate his image upon was simulating their own image. The public is a simulation. True feelings are not shown in front of a person unsure of, if the one showing has any regard for image, that is. He does not know if such honesty exists, though he suspects it does. However, it is likely that the person who is having their data gathered has been beneath their mask for a good deal of time. They have built themselves up nicely, to a tolerable level they are comfortable with. The mask has become a part of them. You might say the mask can be considered them. Therefore there is no problem to simulate an image based on their image. It will have its desired effect as far as he cares. He does not care very far. He would not know what to do if this was successful. He may enjoy the person. He may wish to become friends with this person. He will not be able to without removing his mask. Remove the simulation and he does not know what will happen. He will have to start over. Maybe they will not remove their mask. Maybe they will. Maybe they are honest. It is a risk. He does not know the person behind the mask. He may not like them. There are alternatives of slow, redirected image projection, but he does not like alternatives after the truth is known. He wishes he knew more truth. He wishes for recognized absolute truth. He is a lonely man. Man makes man lonely.